Monday, December 16, 2002's been a REALLY long time since i've posted...
not that anyone reads this thing anyway...
well...the only reason i'm here today is to post a philisophical piece about art.
i'm still working on it & this is an off the cuff short take on the idea, but you'll get the idea....

an artistic representation of an object can never truly be as beautiful as the actual object.
this must be the case due to the fact that an artistic representation only contains one perception of an infinite number of possible perceptions of that object. only the object itself holds the original infinite number of possible perceptions, although that number is expressed through the representational art as well in a fractal manner, as each observer of that art has their own individual perception of that represention. (infinite outward expansion)
that perception is mediated by a filter (the artist) between the representation and the original object. so the viewer of the artistic representation is one step more removed from the original object than the artist who created the representation. then, one can imagine that the person who viewed the representation, say, in an art gallery, would discuss it with their friends & aquaintences. in this process, the friend/ aquaintence will more than likely visualize an image of the representation of the original object from the description given by the viewer of it.
this mental image is yet one more step mediated from the original object, being created from a mixture of the description given combined with the personal "lifetime experience filter" of the friend/aquaintence. it is not any less valid of a visualization or representation of the original object, it is merely that much more removed from its source of origin (yet even this statement rings false to me as i feel that all things are in and of themselves their own sources of origin as much as they are connected to the whole)
each artist that creates representations or interpretations of the original object helps weave the overall concepts & inter-relationships of the overall culture or community in reference to the original object. ideally, this would be done by everyone, not necessarily as physical or communicable art, but also as personal relationship to the original object. by personal relationship I mean a subjective interpretation of that object that is created from within the individual in reference to that individual's lifetime experiences.
in this way the infinite aspects of all things are woven into the fabric of reality.
it is a way in which the paradox of unity and multiplicity is expressed.
and it is how we all help create our own realities & reality as a shared experience.

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

so many transitions seem to be happening right now. many of the people i know are rearranging their lives, finding new meaning.
i myself keep vacillating between feeling completely centered & being completely scattered. but when my focus clears, magic seems to happen.
i wonder way too often if i'm doing the right things . i've been trying to turn off or at least tone down my "chattering monkey" mind. i just get so caught up in not wanting to cause harm to others, especially those i care about the most.
been wondering if my attempts at self expression are sometimes doing more damage than they are good.
i can only hope that intentions are clear & that good things come of it.
this year has been such the year of truth & openness for me. i'm finding a side of myself that i'd always hoped was there & am finding it truly is.
mind you, i still have plenty of my own personal drama, etc., but by opening myself up to the "mystical" , to the magic that life can have, i feel that i've gained so much. it makes life worth living.and ya just gotta take the chance & not be afraid, cus if ya keep the door closed because you are afraid of getting hurt or expectations not being met, you can never experience the wonder that's out there.
so, i keep attempting to emerge from my cave more often.
it's a struggle, but i'm making progress...;^)

Monday, September 16, 2002

i know I've been bad about posting. Actually haven't been at the computer much lately.
Went to the Around the Coyote Arts Festival in Wicker Park/Bucktown this weekend. for the most part it was about the same as the last few years. some artists are doing the exact same thing & some have grown exponentially. and there's always gotta be one that completely blows you away.
This year's winner in my opinion is Summer Zandrew.
i swear i could get lost in the simple beauty of her paintings for hours on end.i only wish she had a website so y'all could see 'em.

i've gotta make sure that i make the effort next year to show my work. wanted to this year, but never got around to entering.
it'd be interesting to see what kind of feedback I'd get.

well, life just seems to keep getting more & more interesting these days. i never seem to be able to predict what's around the corner.
everything always seems to work it's magic though :)

Thursday, September 05, 2002

selflessness...relinquishing desire...supposedly the keys to real happiness. well, i guess i'm gonna see if it's true. i've tested myself before to see if i walk my talk & now the time has come again.
somehow it all feels natural now.
will i have all the strength i think i do? hell yeah!
time for a lil discipline in my life.
time to prove to myself that i am who i say i am.

Wednesday, September 04, 2002

a few days pass and the ride continues...thoughts race, possibilities rise & fall & i simply can't let go of idealistic visions.
love's got a hold on never it manifests has yet to really be decided. guess there is a whole lifetime for that.
isn't it written somewhere that patience is the key to happiness?
i've been wondering if i have been getting so far into my own visions & my attempts to create the world i want that i've become completely delusional. feels like i can see so many layers of reality these days...metaphors overlaying metaphors, etc. etc....that it's hard to distinguish where my part of it ends & other peoples parts begin. maybe this is a good thing. that trancendental connection..unity conciousness or something along those lines. i dunno. but it sure is interesting & making my life a hell of a lot more interesting than it used to be. :)
i'm feeling a freedom creeping up on me that i've always longed for. shedding those final skins that were given to me to wear rather than grown by myself. choosing my reality instead of simply accepting it. sounds opposite of the way i live on so many levels...i've always thought of myself as more of a taoist...
i guess it's the whole "wishing something into existence & then letting it go & trusting that life will provide exactly what it should" thing. taking control yet letting go at the same time. it's hard to be that vulnerable sometimes. but it leads to the greatest rewards. i truly believe that. what else can i do but trust that i will come out ok no matter what comes my way? to think otherewise seems like a waste of time & energy.
i know i have this tendency to get myself into intense situations sometimes. i always wonder how it really affects those around me. wonder if it's fair to them....but then, it's me & how can i apologize for being true to myself? especially if my heart & motives are in the right place (right place meaning coming from acts of love and understanding & respect for all things, not from self serving wishes). maybe i kid myself when thinking I'm not trying to serve my own interests. i dunno. all i can say is i try my best to show my respect & awe of that which is all things. just hope i can continue to keep my head up & shine like the sun.

Sunday, September 01, 2002

well, it's taken me a while to get to posting again. guess I needed a little pick me up in my life & i got it tonight. Nothing quite like being reassured that that which you'd thought you'd lost is still really there :)
dreams have been intense & feelings neglected show themselves once more.
funny how the truth can never be hidden. it always seems to reveal itself.
i'm finding that words just aren't what's needed so much at this point & that expression through action is so much more rewarding. reminds me of an awesome bucky fuller quote :
"You can't better the world by simply talking to it. Philosophy to be effective must be mechanically applied."
right'll probably be seeing a lot more quotes from here as time passes us by...
till next time...keep true to yourselves.

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

hey's post numero uno....
absurd notions for a better tomorrow? well, we'll have to see about that. :)
i've been getting closer to finding that nexus point of all of the strange ideas & observations floating around in me and figure it's about time that i start writing this stuff down.
maybe it'll make sense , maybe not...but i'm sure that in time it'll all come together.
sometimes it might get self indulgent, other times selfless.
however it manifests, it's gonna be raw and honest to the point where everything is put right out there in front of the world.
for anyone that might be reading this that's close to me & wonders if their stories are worries...:)
it's not about that kind of openness.
more about that strange search for some kind of understanding of life. or maybe it's shear entertainment...,making life as lively & imaginitive as i can.
whatever the case may be, i hope i somehow make the reading worth the effort...and i guess the writing too, eh? ;)
till next time,