Tuesday, September 28, 2004


i feel so drained right now. so many things happening.
possibilities arisen yet still awaiting flight...
I helped Crystal load up her moving truck on Saturday evening & my legs are still hurting. It's going to be tough having my everyday person living so far away. i'm glad that there are cheap long distance rates these days.
I feel so disoriented right now.
I need time off from work & have been told i can take it whenever i want but have no $ to do anything.
it seems to me that taking the time off & just staying at home would be worse than working while in this state of mind & emotion.
i really wish i could go on that camping trip but it's a bit difficult to do without a vehicle.
already the blustery days of autumn are moving in, leaves falling, debris swirling, waking up to a cool room in the morning & not wanting to get out from under the nice cozy covers...
I know i can't complain too much about life, it's been pretty damn good to me.
I've definitely chosen some trying paths over the last few years, but only because i feel so deeply about them. I'm not exactly one to back away from challenges unless I think they are a waste of my time.
then again, i do have somewhat of a fear of success which i am trying to move through.
I have to say that patty helps me with this in ways no one ever has. I've never felt so inspired by another. she makes me feel like everything & anything is possible. matter of fact, we make each other feel that way. THAT is one of the most precious gifts that I've been givin in this life. i can't imagine having to give it up. that would be the biggest challenge I've faced yet.
I hope i do not have to face that one.
so now i try to nurture my patience & keep peace of mind & heart as i await. hoping that all of the promises that have been given will be kept.

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