Thursday, October 28, 2004

meme theme

There used to be that wonderful friday five list that would let us give a little maybe not so important but rather insightful nuggets of ourselves.
well, kitten has posted a little list of her current state of things & I'll ingest the meme & filter it in my own way here.
so here's my list:

Current state of things

Wearing: thrift store jeans that are reaching their last days but looking more & more like designer jeans that idiots pay unthinking amounts for (and i payed $2.50!), my highly worn Orb -Orbus Terrarum tour shirt with the glowing crescent moons that magically spell out orb using negative space. a great shirt for the halloween season! my indigo gravis rivals on my feet and my wool pendleton poorboy on my head (see pic at right)

Drinking: water. can't get enough.

Upset that: I ruined what could have been the best friendship i'd ever have. sorry patricia. it would have been an amazing friendship! it's gonna be hard to find anyone to match the resonance we'd get going when talking about life. (but i know the world will supply!)

Luxuriating in: the knowledge that all of this will pass & new & wonderful experiences await.

Reading: Just finished Cat's Cradle (thanks kitten!)by Vonnegut and also The Discipline of Trancendence by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh. Currently reading The Book of the Secrets vol 1. by Bhagwan (osho)which is about the tantric method -actually 112 of them (and no it is not all about sex! tantra is about seeking enlightenment thru experience rather than as a thoughtform. it deals with experiential reality rather than abstract reality)

Learning: How much i still have to learn & unlearn about myself.how much damage i can unmeaningfully do to others in the process of fertilizing their becoming.

Downloading: Cosmic Waves

Wanting: Peace, rest, love. a way of earning a living that is saturated with the spiritual essence that i wish to live by.

Listening to:the sound of a fan blowing cool air on me & laura lee interviewing Jame's O'Dea

damn, i sure am getting mystical these days...

a lot is occuring right now, including closure with patricia. i finally heard from her & yes, we are going our separate ways. difficult, but probably necessary,especially for her, and i care about her well being & happiness.
i'm finding that i could write a whole damn book based on all of the realizations this experience has brought me and continues to bring.
i hate goodbyes, but sometime, one must simply let go. there is no choice.
besides, it does not matter in the grand scheme of things. allthere is is the moment, the right now. we hope for tomorrow, we remember the past, and all but the present is completely abstract. it isn't real. our memories are not objective & neither are our wishes. One does not know a shared experience more intimately or correctly than the other. it is all translation, it is all fleeting, and it is all different tomorrow than it was today. bhagwan presents a great metaphor in this regard, it is an old metaphor, not his, but this does not matter...and here i will extrapolate & make it my own...
you go to a river & you put your feet in, when you pull them out & put them in again, is it the same river? is there even a river as a thing, or is there just the riverness? you cannot touch the same water twice. it is impossible, even when you are in the motion of putting your foot in the water, as it passes through, there is always newness, new water, never the same.not even for a moment can the motion of the river be captured - the river is not a thing, it is a flowing, a verb, a state of movement. in this same way, we experience life, yet we go on pretending that this is not so, that the you i experience today is the same as the you i experienced a moment ago, a day ago, a lifetime ago. this is why we are so obsessed with pictures, with documenting, with capturing still moments. because deep down we know that this understanding of reality is not true. all is ever changing, so we obsessively latch on to an attempt to give concreteness to the single moment. to capture it, to solidify it as if this somehow makes it more real, more genuine then the actual experience itself! this is completely absurd! how can one think that the representation of the experience is more real than the actual experience? how can one think that the very thought, the memories are more real than the experience? all of these are merely shadows cast by the light of the living being, the experience as it exists withing the flow of the river of life.
do not get me wrong. i am not against the lens. i am not against pictures. they are wonderful symbols that we can use to share and remindd. to trigger the memories we have of those experiences. but some people just et so caught up in the act of documenting their experiences that one must wonder if the experience is actually more one of documentation. which of the aspects of the experience becomes the dominant?
which is more beautiful, a tree or a painting of that tree? it MUST be the tree. the tree is complete in and of itself, it does not need the observer to have its beauty. the beauty is inherent in its very being. the painting is just a notion, an observation, howver beautiful, but it is not the tree & it is only possible through an interpretation, thru the seeing of the artist. it is not even really a representation of the tree, but is a picture of the artist, as is all art.
do not get these things confused. in a time of media saturation this is very difficult, but we must remain aware.
every time we put a lense between ourselves and our experience, we extinguish a little bit of the beauty of the moment in order to replace it with a memory. What would happen if all of a sudden we all became completely present & just absorbed the entirety of our experiences?
be present. realize that the way in which we are having to document everything is converting the world. we are turning the world into a museum, into a lifeless paid for experience. the more we put between ourselves & our experiences, the more we mediate them, the less authentic we become - the more we become sleepwalkers - the more we lose our ability to see.
we should be attempting to wake up from the dream.

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