Tuesday, January 18, 2005

absent

well, i have not really felt the urge to post lately. it's been a long way from the front of my mind. maybe it's because of winter. i get pretty much hermit like.
Nothing monumental happening.
I've decided to finally start selling some of my record collection on ebay.
so far things are going alright with that. proceeds will be saved to buy a used laptop.
maybe then i will start writing more. the thought of sitting in a cafe eatin a sandwich & drinkin some hot bev. while typing away like a madman sounds very appealing to me right now.
I had an interesting thing happen the other day. I was getting off of the el train & bumped into this guy...well...people are supposed to "stand clear of the doors" as the announcement says: let people off first. anyway, this guy was right up against the door but off to the side, the side closest to the stairs down from the platform. I guess he expected everyone to walk around him on their way out so that he could make sure that he could get in first to get a seat. meanwhile, there was a whole family patiently waiting a few steps back & out of the way. there wasn't really enough room to get around this guy, so i simply walked where i should have been free to walk, to exit the train & be on my way. well, this guy's shoulder happend to be in the way. because of his anxiety to get on the train, i figured he'd slide in there right as i left, but he didn't, he continued to stand there & the path of my shoulder proved to be unmoving. that is, my shoulder completely puched his out of the way. maybe i was a little rude, but he left me no room to get around him.
as i passed him, he turned and lunged a few steps towards me with this crazed violent look in his eyes. guess i should describe him: he looked mid to late thirties, shoulder length hair -looked like a studio musician & i'll bet he was headin up to Rogers Park. seemed like the kinda guy that would live there. anyway...
...he lunges at me, and i take a few steps back towards him & he yells at me "Do you always push people when you get off the train?" I can't even begin to describe the violence i saw behind this animal's eyes. he was in no way aware, he was only animal anger, as if what happened was some huge thing, some important life happening. I did not say much, simply that i was attempting to exit the train in the proper manner. I remained absolutely calm, centered. his anger & violence bounced right off of me.
this is a big thing. i am usually shaken for quite awhile by such a transaction. this is the first time that i was nearly completely unmoved.i felt no need to call him on his own selfishness. I may have walked into him a little bit more than i should have to make a point, to tell the truth, i'm not really sure. maybe for the first time in my life i was an asshole & didn't care. i'm not sure, but what i do not is that he was not a frikkin victim. he was acting out of selfishness himself. but whatever.
it was a very huge thing for me to be unaffected, to be in complete control of my response, which was the exact opposite of how that man was behaving. he was nothing but reaction.
anyway, i just wish that people would learn some frikkin manners.
I'm the guy that waits to be the last one to enter the train. I'm not the pushy one.
strange how i don't even rememeber feeling my body hit his.
beyond that, not much happening.
lots of visitors this month. crystal just got into town lasst night & the last weekend of the month my friend michelle will be in town.
been getting together for games & movies with the foys which is always a good time.
cooked some indian food for margaret & her kids this last weekend too.
feels good to be cooking again.
well, that's it for now...hopefully I'll be posting more again.

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