Tuesday, April 26, 2005

infinite techniques, infinite possibilities

Here i sit, attempting to figure out which way is out (there is no up or down only in & out - think about it cosmically!)
My whole life is become a technique for transmutation, and I don't quite know what to make of it. How does one maintain normal relationships or passing friendships when EVERYTHING becomes a vehicle for enlightenment & awakening?
I can't quite figure it out.

As I recently posted, there has been quite the influx of new people into my life, especially women. But I must also mention that I am also finally meeting some men that i enjoy spending time with too. This is even bigger than the girls. I have a very difficult time finding men that i actually get along with on a steady basis & wish to hang out with. Don't get me wrong, there are some great men who have been in my life, i just usually prefer the company of the ladies.
so, anyway...

I've discovered my latest lesson.
there are way too many similarities between the new (S) and the old (P).
For those of you who have been readin this for some time, you are probably at least a little bit familiar with my whole drama with Sweet P. (Who i'll refer to simply as P.)
I've noticed quite a few similarities between her & S. an almost manic need to organize, an awesome & inspiring way of checkin me on things (ever had someone criticize you & it actually turns you on?). They even have a very similar bodytype & are about the same age with P. being only slightly older. One HUGE difference though is like night & day. one outgoing (S.) one not so much (P.).
It almost feels as if I've been given a retry. A chance to be able to feel so wonderfully & ecstatically attracted to someone and learn how to let that simply be a friendship without needing to feel & express my own desire to be with that person. I failed miserably with that lesson with P. Now, I need to make sure that I do not do the same with S.
I think I've simply been single for WAY too long.
It makes me start to believe that when i DO find someone that resonates, it may be the last one I'll ever find.
I keep reminding myself that we are moving into a time when outstanding people are multiplying in a way that is staggering. People are waking up all over.
If they have yet to implement their new lessons in their lives, they certainly have the stuff bouncing around inside of them.
One of the main reasons I wish to nurture this new friendship with S. is because she is so damn inspiring to me. What she refers to as her OCD to me represents a type of discipline & ability to organize that is seriously lackin in my life. I guess in a way I simply hope to learn by her example. Maybe by simply being in her presence & witnessing her, I can learn through osmosis.
She is such a busy being. theater rehearsals, tons of friends, I wonder if there is even room for me in her life beyond our nice lil breakfast at B&B.
I think I may simply need to except that for what it is & simply enjoy.
Souns like a good plan to me.
I just need to let all good things come my way in their own time.
Sometimes it's so easy to forget that it's only when we surrender to life that we truly live.

On a side note, Friday I had Dinner at the Grind with TheMan and I'm sure our conspiracy & hermetically themed conversations made everyone around us think we were a little nutso. but that's cool, cus it was awesome to have someone to have the conversation with! We also watched a hilarious interview by Conservative Christian Bob Larson(with some good points thrown in)with Zena LaVey of The Satanic Church and the one eared Nikolas Shreik of the Werewolf Order. lotsa fun. oh, and i finally got to see the awesomely artistic inside of a G5.

On Saturday I went to Sonotheque to see I.G. Culture (a founding father of my favorite West London Broken Beat Scene) spin & ended up having an interesting talk with this guy Bill that covered such topics as Osho, The Landmark Foundation, The Spanish Civil War, and more. a nice unexpected interaction.
I also managed to get a cdr of my newer songs I'm workin on into the hands of mista I.G. Culture. That made me feel blissful as i left.

Sunday I simply woke up late, went for a walk, got some grub & started watching teh Sci Fi channel's Dune miniseries on dvd.

enough for now... i hope everyone out there is doing well.
many blessings to all of you!

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