Wednesday, June 01, 2005


It seems that no matter which way i turn, no matter what decisions i make these days, inner turmoil is the result.
I am so undecided about everything in my life with the exception of my "spiritual path".

Relationships, friendships, social life, and culture in general have become dissonant in so many ways.I can't seem to stop resisting. I have a feeling that this is a transitional stage, that i am moving into something new, but i just have not yet quite gotten there - if there is even a there to get to.

It leaves me sad most of the time.
It is difficult to feel idios, disconnected, expecially when i know that this is mostly of my own doing.
I ask too much of both myself & others, but i cannot stop it & neither do i wish to.

Every bit of gnosis that is birthing in me and that is coming to me from without as well is giving the scariest message imaginable. I can't seem to escape it.

I look up into the skies, and i see how even they have been stolen, covered in a mist so unnatural, as so many are entranced by the myth of the need to "do", to "go", to express all things outwardly.

Would an individual culture that creates an inner fulfillment within those which are its very body be so exploratory? would they even have the impulse to search out other cultures & experience them? Or is this something driven by an absence of fulfillment within ones own culture?

We are born into our cultures, not getting to choose them until we have already been programmed during our most receptive & impressionable years. At the same time, we are lucky enough to be alive at the time of the birthing of the new human, however difficult it may be.

The new almost instantaneous access to information by many in the more priveledged societies (I've read that it's only somewere around 13% of humans that are on the internet) and the postmodern aesthetic have led to a plurality of choices.
This in turn has led many to attempt to abandon old beliefs that they were born into.
There is still a huge problem though - that most never move past a reactionary stance. They refuse to come to a new understanding of such concepts as "god" and maintain a rather superficial & cynical attitude towards religion & spirituality.
One belief system is simply replaced by another in a superficial, circular progression, rather than a spiral, expansive one.

Because of this, many still hold on to old patterns & never find the authenticity which they are seeking.
This creates situations in which many that would be considered compassionate & humanitarian end up taking part in extremely misguided & entropic endeavors.
Many of these are disguised as multinational, or UN led humanitarian efforts, especially ones involving mass vaccinations (which have been found on many occasions to be tainted with sterilizing agents, and in the case of the polio vaccine, a "monkey virus" that is the most carcinogenic agent known & causes cancer)

We are immersed in a culture which is so entranced by entropy that even in many of it's best & most innocent attempts at doing the "right thing"it is raping, abusing & destroying the entire planet & it seems that the majority of this culture's embodiment refuse to wake up from their slumber and take notice of what it is that they are acting out during their sleepwalking trance.

Makes it easy to fall into a misanthropic attitude.

I can understand why it is so difficult for people to accept responsibilty & move into a more authentic & deeper existence. It takes a lot of courage to accept that which is challenging, which is ugly, which exposes that all which one has been "taught", has been steeped in since birth, is not only a half truth, if not an all out lie, but is not even a viable evolutionary option for the long haul.

To accept that one's entire life until this moment has been determined to a huge amount by a projected reality of a very small group of people through thousands of years of control structures & mediation of almost all aspects of reality is not only crushing, it is absolutely traumatic!
In it's own way, it is a kind of death. One which can lead to an amazing rebirth.

We are living in a time where the elite have influenced and permeated culture to such an extent that there is no need for "conspiracy", as the reality that the majority of people are willing to maintain is self-regulating. the medium is the message, as I believe mccluhan once said.
control the way, the very methods through which reality is viewed and you've got a lot of influence over culture without having to take any direct action.
I mean, how hard do you really think it is to make graphic artists sell their souls?
The economy is the god of all gods, or so it would seem, as almost all seem to bow at her altar...nevermind that she was invented to control your sense of self worth & your exploitation, that she is completely abstracted.
You don't need to look at the CEO's and such to see where the heart of the problem lies.

Just look at who is willing to do the actual creative task - to implement the reality, and there is where you will find the most misguided & the ugliest of all.
They are also the most powerful, and maybe this is the cause of their whorish behavior, as power can be a seductive master.
All they would have to do is stop doing The bidding of their masters & it would all fall down. We would be free.
Yet, here is where you find the artist who does not look inward, but rather is giving away their creative gift to those who wish to do no more than exploit & profit from every single thing in existence.
these artists create the beautiful images & myths which fuel the hunger which their masters are all too ready to feed.

Seems like they are all vampires to me...though i'm sure there are a few injecting their own media viruses into the mix.

For the most part the images & myths cover up the reality.
I ask you what is the truth?:
clothes...where'd they come from? who made 'em & under what conditions?
all of yer tech toys? your food? your fuel? your entertainment?
start adding up the "real" cost of our obsession with "doing" and one will quickly realize that we have invented one of the most inefficient cultures imaginable.
All in the worship of Economy.

This way of being is so intensely gluttonous that its entropic nature is starting to rush at us full force as taker civilization overwhelms the entire planet.

Civilization, life as we know it , is swiftly coming to a close.
It has to one way or another.
We need to start being the visionaries which we were born to be.
Yet, we must remember that authentic action is only birthed from authentic being. It is the being which MUST come before the action. Otherwise we will remain idiotic,inefficient, and unfulfilled.
we can create that which comes after this civilization.

We need to quit letting the weakest of the species lead us. You just know that those in charge couldn't take care of themselves if they had to.

So let us all be reborn as metaphorical Pharoah slayers. let no being outside of ourselves come between us and our own personal relationships with the infinite.
No more obsessive need for control.
no more regressive need to judge.
Compassion & Justice are not compatible.
Are you love & connection, or are you judgement & disconnection?
and just exactly how do you think that choice effects the world?

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