Tuesday, June 07, 2005


Lately it seems as if I have been overwhelmed.
so much flooding my life, as the waves roll over me & I toss & turn, attempting to mount my board & ride with grace.
I'll manage to get up on it occasionally, displaying a natural skill that surprises me, only to then plunge back into the tumultuous currents.
Luckily, I am surrounded by magnificent friends.

I tend to freak out when I go deeply into thoughts about sanyas or brahmacharya

I am increasingly pulled toward the mystic, to the point where I am wondering how much longer I can even manage to work a regular job.
the one which I am currently working is not fulfilling in the least.
I've made the call out to existence to present me with a new path.
now I let go & keep my eyes & ears peeled.

Music... I am finally moving deeper into it. It has become my current dominant artform. I have not painted or made visual art in months and I do not miss it.

relationships...new possibilities born, leading to freakouts, leading to new birth yet again.
I am moving into territory through which I have never been & it is frightening at times.
Further from tradition I stray, with no intent of returning.
civilization, to you I say goodday. You've had your say & you disappoint me.
refusing to grow into wisdom, you keep making all efforts possible to retard the growth of your very flesh & bones.
civilization, it is time for you to leave your parent's home & make it on your own.
In this I witness that you are not wrong, but that you have outgrown your home, your surroundings. You are trampling on your family, on the very things which nurtured your growth. You must move out of your adolescence & into adulthood, developing nurturing relationships with your community.
civilization, I beg of you, enough already! Stop acting like a spoiled brat & realize how much you take! How profanely you treat yourself & your family!
You cannot even eat from the ground which is under your feet! No! Instead you must take from those who live far away, so that you may live in your virtual world, cocooning yourself from the reality of your separation, your sickness, your dis-ease.
You plant pretty flowers in order to pretend at being natural. Why can you not decide to grow food? Your pristine gardens are an abomination. Your museum mindset boxing up & labeling everything that crosses your path.
I beg of you...let it go!
be free & with that set the world free as well. It is not yours to own. It is not yours alone to witness.
it is not simply for the humans.
it is for all that is,was & ever shall be.
it is not that we were cast out of the garden, but that we do not recognize that it is everywhere around us, that it is we who have turned this paradise into a prison.

walk away. a little more each day, and before you know it, your life will be completely transformed.

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