Wednesday, May 31, 2006

gotta wonder

Who exactly built the altar of academia & determined that it should be perceived as the ONE right way of knowing?
and why do those that are fighting the system think that by being educated by the system that they are coming to know truth?

The time has come to move beyond the illusion.
drop your programming & get on with it.

if your mind shuts off or starts to immediately argue at the simple mention of a word or phrase, if you are already preparing your answer instead of listening, you are moving way from truth.
you are still anchored in the world of self-righteousness...
that is, your ego wanting to protect & prove itself correct for fear of being wrong, for fear of failure.
In order to be a true problem solver, or scientist for that matter, one must completely drop the notion of failure.
Matter of fact one must completely drop MIND itself. That is the ONLY way to be objective – if mind is not involved at all because mind is always asserting a perceptual preference.

The only way to discover what works & what supports mutual unfolding of potentiality is to put ideas into action & observe what unfolds WITH AWARENESS and a critical mind (but remember that you are the master of your mind not vice-versa), remembering that the majority of the tools which you are utilizing through your mind are borrowed, programmed, and do not belong to your own experiential knowing.
Only if we are willing to look at all aspects equally, without prejudging can we find truth.
This is what is supposedly meant by being “objective”, yet a good part of the scientific community still speaks in an extremely subjective manner when discussing itself & it’s theories & ideas.
While this kind of language may make for more enjoyable reading, it has NO PLACE in objective science and is nothing more than a marketing ploy used in order to feed the egos, research grants, and machinations of individuals who are more invested in “being right” or feeding their egos through recognition and leaving a legacy rather than being interested in truth.
It is their investment in a particular preference of reality perception that colors their language and leads them astray of nondeceptive language and presentation.

brief interjection here...if something cannot be experimentally verified, such as the majority of historical sciences like anthropology & archeology, shoudl they really be called sciences or should we be creating a new subset of knowledge which contains these and recognizes that they are an amalgam of art & science? are they not based mostly on extrapolation an the application of imagination in order to attempt to come up with some sort of story of what has happened before? how is this science exactly?

We cannot continue to pretend to live in a strictly Cartesian/Aristotelian reality when we are already nearly a century past the introduction of the ideas of quantum mechanics.
It is too limiting. It is time for the jump into the world of systems dynamics/systems theory.

A true problem solver or "designer" cannot and never should be political.
Idiology gets in the way. It comes further along in the process, in the filtering out part, not in the conception.
Even Bucky Fuller says that the key to his ingenuity is absolute selflessness.
Everything he ever attempted to do for his own or his family’s benefit ended in disaster. It was only when he decided that the only motivation should be for the greatest good and the survivability of the most that he became fruitful.

We always need to remember though, being a cheerleader for new alternative solutions without being critical of them is more dangerous than not implementing the solutions at all.
One must recognize first & foremost the fact that every single problem which humans set out to fix is a human created problem to begin with.
Agrarian culture is not only not evolutionarily viable in the long run, it is EXTREMELY inefficient and takes many many more calories exerted to obtain calories than we had to expend with hunting/gathering.

The first act of creating slavery occurred when the first person locked up the food & decided that they had the right to determine each individuals abstract worth and how much they deserved to have to eat.
I would actually contend that this was the single most violent act in the entire history of human existence, as it has lead to all of the slavery & toil which followed.
Think about it…if you can provide your own food & shelter, who can control you?

Instead of taking sides in the debate whether humans can & should change or our technologies should change, i see it as a both/and situation.
Fuller always contended that it was wrong to attempt to change the behavior of people. That it just does not work.
True to an extent, it cannot be relied upon or forced.
Anyone who has been in a relationship knows this. You simply cannot expect people to change unless they are ready willing & able. It only occurs within the individual’s own timeframe of personal development and cannot be forced. Matter of fact, to force it will only cause dis-ease and violence of some sort or another.
That is psychological warfare and a (not so) subtle form of intellectual fascism.
It could be said that this is the goal of the supposed ‘Illuminati’ ,which I really wish people would refuse to refer to as such because they are very obviously not filled with light, rather, they are vampires feeding at th trough of human suffering which they create & manipulate on a global level, but that is a discussion for another time.
I’ll just say that there is a lot of resemblance between the writings of Fuller and the types of ideas & technologies which the “globalists” are attempting to utilize in order to assert total control.
(note- is does not necessarily follow that the assertion of total control is founded in a negative attitude. It could very well be that these beings actually believe that total human control of the entire environment is a positive thing. This does not mean it is, ask any discordian…)
matter of fact, those that are so against RFID, microchipping & the like should most definitely read Fuller’s book “Critical Path” as it is one of the birthplaces of the workable idea of total resource tracking.
One could even argue that the very emergence of this paradigm of total control is birthed from humanity’s inability or unwillingness to create a balanced relationship with existence.
The only reason for resources to be controlled is due to irresponsible use.
Believe it or not, this most definitely includes HORDING, which is nothing more thatn keeping things for yourself so that others may not utilize them. It is a fear based idea that only exists as a byproduct of the previously mentioned locking up of the food.
It is an attitude meant to pit neighbors against one another & dissolve communities.
According to people like Fuller, as of the mid-seventies, we reached a point where the efficiency of our technologies reached a level which negates the Malthusian myth of scarcity.
We are reaching a level of doing more with less that will propel us into a different relationship with technologies.
And it is the bullshit rhetoric & idea of nation-states which causes the situation in which different cultures are forced to go through their own industrial revolution, further damaging the balance of the ecosystems & destroying naturally occurring systems & replacing them with gardens (a garden being ANY space which is human defined/ refined).
If we openly shared technological innovation globally, there would be no need for this whatsoever!
But due to EGO, do the need for POWER, there are certain factions of humans which continue to base their relationship with existence on old paradigms which need to die.
It is not going to be an easy transition because it takes all involved to participate & it is going to a lot of work and probably a lot of suffering too.

There is going to be….HAS to be…some level of globalization if we are going to maintain any of the things we’ve currently built as civilization. To throw the baby out with the bathwater is extremely shortsighted. Why have we gone through all of this? Simply to dismiss it all? To kill the tree without picking the fruit?
We can have a both/and situation here. The individual personalities of people & populations need not be dissolved.
I have to say though, it seems to me that immigrants should have more of a right & desire to stand up & be nationalistic, as they are the ONLY ones who have actually chosen to live in that nation.
If one is born into a nation, there is not choice, you are programmed from birth with that nations identity, there is NO choice involved!
So what kind of reason is there to rejoice at all?
You are really rejoicing in you slavery!
In your mind control! In what others tell you you are supposed to be!
In this way, any patriot shows themselves to be nothing but a sham.
The same can be said for religion.
If your relationship with the divine has not blossomed out of your own experience & exploration, how real is it?
People put more effort into deciding what kind of car to buy!

When it some to changing the internal, i tend to agree with "zen" masters like Osho in saying that any surface changes are nothing more than that and cannot be trusted or made permanent.
They are only masks & are superficial, more an investment in deceiving the self & others & creating a “personality” which is recognized as being “good” or “holy”.
The only real change that happens is at the center of one's being and all external changes, if they are authentic instead of pretended, flow forth from the internal changes.
The occur naturally and do not have to be forced or decided on any level when the internal is transformed. It simply becomes the natural way which one manifests.
Repression of aspects of self simply turn into unconscious expressions and perceptional shifts that tend to be unhealthy and entropic in nature.

i personally think that to dismiss either view (changing internal vs. changing the external) is wrong.
both possibilities exist simultaneously and are complimentary.
the idea is to create an environment which is symbiotic, self renewing, and supports the unfolding of creative potentiality, both human and non-human.
and this is where i start to differ with Fuller.
his mind seems to be the product of the early industrial age, mostly pre-quantum and aristotelian in nature. it still sees the world in terms of mechanisms, although it makes the leap to complete interconnection and a cosmic mindset.
it is a great platform to lauch from, but it still remains a product of "old thinking".
it has reached the cosmic on one level, yet it remains rather humanistic on another. very understandable, as we have been programmed with “species survival” (whether or not this is an abstracted idea or a result of nature can be debated at some other time)

This is also the point at which I would aspouse the virtues of animism and monism.
Both of these “spiritual” or belief paradigms lead to a relationship of CONNECTION to ALL THAT IS which is expressed in a sacred manner.
Every other belief system tends to head immediately towards profaning the human relationship to cosmos and to material existence.
And if quantum theory is correct, then the way in which we perceive reality, the beliefs we choose, the way we view the world, is directly responsible for the way reality manifests.
It is the belief in something that makes it so, not vice-versa.
And no matter what ANYONE tells you, nothing that humans know exists outside of human perception, as all thoughts & ideas that exist are products of humans, and this includes all of the technologies and languages of science, religion, philosophy, etc.
They are all creations of human belief systems.
And truth be told, according to the supposed methodologies of science, nothing science says can be proved true other than as a localized human perception phenomenon UNLESS the experiments and observations are made by some other manifestation of being other than humans.

Now that I’ve probably ticked off a few & made a few more laugh, I’ll leave you with one final though…

When the hell are humans going to accept the idea that if dophins have brains that are 40% bigger than ours , have a region which we have not even developed, and have a sound vocabulary thousands of times larger than humans, that humans are more than likely not the most advanced form of intelligence on this planet?
It seems to me that the dependence on external tools for survival as a measure of evolution is backwards.
We reward our inefficiency & need to distrust existence.

Somehow, I feel like civilization got it all backwards…..

Saturday, May 20, 2006

keeps getting stranger

I met an "apostle" named John & had a pretty interesting conversation with him while sitting in the park across from the old Scottish Rite Cathedral on Dearborn Street.
I mention where we were because I find it amusing.
The park is bounded on the north by the Newberry Library, Chicago's rare book & manuscript library branch.
N. Dearborn Street is chock full of all kinds of subtle symbolism, from unicorns chained to lions, half serpent men, the hotel Indigo with it's phi/golden mean theme.
When I was busy reading the David Icke books a few years back with it's concentration on symbolism, I found it funny that here, on my daily walk home were all of these very symbols surrounding me in such subtle unconsciously influencing ways.
but I digress....
that stuff is all of the showmanship of the world, not the essence of experience which is what I am getting to here...

John started the connection by asking me if I would like to talk about Jesus. I do not think he realized that I would be the one doing the talking. haha.
He & a friend were sitting on the edge of the park outside of the fence on a little curb that runs on the inside of the sidewalk against the fence. There are bushes between the fence & the curb.
I happened to be wearing my rajneesh mala that day.

John asked about it & I started to explain to him who rajneesh/osho was.
Immediately I discovered how lacking in information John was when it came to world religions as he immediately was lost when I mentioned Rajneesh was born into a Jaina home and from there we were off on a journey in which I proceeded to tall him about eastern philosophies & religions and fill in some gaps he seemed to have.

I guess I should explain to you why I call him an apostle.
He said to me that he has dropped everything & is trying to live like Jesus, like an Apostle. No home or belongings, having rejected mammon.
I find it kinda funny that we never in the course of things managed to get around to talking about sannyas.
I think he would have been very surprised to know that the very philosophies he is living out have their roots in the east.
I did describe how I live, how I have dropped my attachment to my possessions (that does not mean necessarily disposing of them, but not being attached, realizing that my belongings are not me, should be treated with respect in the larger scope of a symbiotic relationship with existence,that they are usable technologies, but not to be identified with.)
The difference I see between his way and mine is this....I wear my responsibility and he shirks it, putting his "guilt" of using mammon, the material world, off onto others. It is just a transference.

We talked about monism and dualism, the different kinds of relationships different people have with god, the need to personify deity...
We also talked about the nature of the priestly cast which exists in ALL cultural systems of organization. From religions, to science, to politics.
talked evolution and discovered he believes the world to be only 10,000 years old.
funny. I do not completely dismiss that possibility because I don't feel a need to dismiss anything, I have room for all of it.
but it seems rather unpoetic.
I found it rather interesting how into Yahweh he was too.
the most revealing things bout the Yahwists mindset that came out of his mouth was something like:
"I understand how Yahweh uses Lucifer as the ax in his hand to judge his people."
I understand what he is wanting to say here....and to an extent I agree metaphorically. It is an acceptance of the role of the trickster. But the perspective is all messed up.
this is the kinda thing that led the church (which John does not support at all) to being the anti-christ.
(think about how what is currently called christianity was spread - it was decidedly NOT spread in the spirit of Christ).
I tried to express to John that one could experience God in all things.
this is the BIG disconnect between east & west.
the western judeo-christian-islamic world has not gotten past it's adolescence. It still needs a parent, so it personifies everything in terms of NOUNS. OWNERSHIP is the main definition of these traditions. Everything BELONGS to god.
in the east, there is not as much of a need for a parent so it is a more playful relationship. The concepts of deity exist but not in such a hamfisted manner.
and when one gets to beings like Lao Tzu or Buddha (notice I did NOT say taoism or buddhism) there is no need for deity whatsoever.
it comes full circle back to the original religion, that God is in all things. There is no separation.

What John had a problem with is not being able to accept contradiction as a part of the whole.
I think he was perplexed and possibly troubled by my being at peace with "not knowing" and not needing to believe in an absolute truth.

I even asked him things like:
"Is unconditional love moral?" (I think it is amoral as it is beyond judgment and division),
"Is Yahweh moral?"
if God is infinite & this world is like a painting of his (john talked of creator & created in terms of artist & painting) then isn't it absurd to believe that he would only paint one painting?
john seemed to think it was stupid to look to space for life as there is no good chance of there being any.
I found it amusing that he started to use science to back this one up.
it is interesting how beings like this pick & choose what parts of reality they use to support their illusions or need to believe in a particular holographic manifestation.

Now, I have to admit that talking o him led me to a bit of a spiritual crises.
I have always had problems with certain aspects of the rajneesh story.
to me, it seems like everyone on BOTH sides of that story seem to miss by so much!
all of the ugliness & beauty there together. Those that see the ugly dismiss the beauty, those that see the beauty dismiss the ugly.
it is disturbing!
so many accept rajneesh (as Osho - and probably without really thoroughly researching the story) without question.
they accept this whole notion of him as "enlightened master" without question.
I myself have allowed a lot of leeway in my acceptance of him because he is an amazingly beautiful man in so many ways. Yet he is also the ugliest of the ugly and that cannot be ignored. That is part of the lesson he was teaching.

I think people miss that he was an experiment, and that he invited people to join in. He told them every step of the way what he was doing & what his intentions were.
yet somehow, while playing out the drama, while playing the roles, it seems that the majority of those involved became attached to their illusions. They got caught up in the game.
one can see this happen on a lesser level all of the time.
an example I can think of that made me laugh in my college days was the band Urge Overkill.
at first, it seemed like their whole image persona thing was tongue in cheek, but over time, somehow they actually became the characters they were playing. They became a shadow of themselves.
and this is exactly what happened with rajneesh.
for me, the peak of his journey was around '75-'76. The discourses I resonate with most are from that period or earlier.
seems to me at that point is when the experiments started to go deeper & deeper & the whole twisted rational of the Ashram and the acceptance of anything became what can only be termed questionable.
many want o simply dismiss the talk of drug trafficking and such, but those things cannot simply be dismissed.
one need not dismiss them or accept them to learn from them!
of course, in an ashram that is about absolute acceptance on many levels, one can only expect the troubled & questionable to be present, and from what rajneesh said, he was allowing things to happen so that people would have to take responsibility unto themselves. But at the same time he would say that he was responsible for everything that occurs at the ashram.
sticky wickets everywhere!
I think there was a great importance to what rajneesh did, what he and the commune became, because in the end it embodies everything that it should not have!
it is such a good example of intentional community because on so many levels it was an amazing success.
they were able to fund the building of a city! The transformation of arid overgrazed land into a fertile valley.
but then the stupid disciple had to go & demand a rajneeshee bible.
no one seems to get that rajneesh set them all up to fall. That he probably DID create the situation in Oregon that turned so ugly. This was the MOST important part of the entire lesson he taught! Of his entire life!
that all of the sannyasins had to let go! That their entire need to love the master was in the end a barrier to their own journeys.
if he had not destroyed that which was created around him, it would have become an increasingly insular thing and the very idea that his philosophy was founded on would remain unexpressed....To live IN the world, IN the marketplace, but not be OF it.
having an intentional community in the middle of nowhere is NOT being in the world, it is creating one of illusion.
if one cannot go back & forth freely between the two, then one has missed!
there are many many excuses made for rajneesh, but I do not buy it.
I love him dearly, in all of his fucked upness.
he had a kind of boldness, a call it as I see that I love.
he was definitely a trickster. His role was that of questioner, of destroyer.
the destroyer of illusion.
somehow though, he got caught up in his own illusion.

I think we all simply need to see it in perspective.
there were casualties definitely, but ANY cultural change or experiment has casualties and at least he had the respect to tell people exactly what it was he was doing!
meanwhile, society at large lives within the greatest psychological experiment ever created and they are being told that they are free while being constantly bombarded with mind control techniques.
in some strange way, rajneesh was exposing mind control techniques to his followers.
he was using them in order to do it, but he would say what he was doing. And he was attempting to teach how to control one's own mind in order to combat the control of others.
at least this is what I am getting from it all.
it is glaringly obvious to me though that this was not the case for a good deal of the sannyasins involved at the time because they seem to have gotten TOO invested in eh whole master/disciple relationship.
when people on message boards say that "his spirit is still alive so it is ok to be with the master" or that kinda crap, I want to take a big ass zen stick & knock them on their asses!
for they have COMPLETELY missed!
there is nothing NICE about rajneesh. He never could have given a shit what you thought about him.
and his love was much like that of Yahweh in many regards. Of course, one has to recognize that Yahweh & Lucifer are playing the good cop bad cop game in order to understand this.
The God program is always set to enslave because god is not a thing.
it is an is not a noun, it is a becoming, it is ever changing, it is infinite & there's no way anyone is going to convince me to limit that by putting boundaries on it.

for myself there is only one measure of worth. Unconditional, infinite love.
everything else is just playing with shells at the seashore while the truth is out there in the depths waiting for you.

of course, we already know that I am completely full of shit.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

what to do?

so i'm wondering...
what do ya do when you keep fallin deeper for someone who seems to have built a fortress?
i don't want to beat at the door! i want to knock lovingly.
i don't want to try to sneak in. i wish to be invited.
i want that door to be opened wide with a big smile open arms, & the security of knowing that it is a best friend, a loving being which wishes to enter.
and i most definitely do not want to move on without making the effort to open that door!
i would forever regret it.
the more i am able to experience the bits i do get to experience the more i want to know, the more i want to share,
the more i feel not only the desire to take the chance, but the need to.
it is something that i cannot overlook.
best friends is wonderful, i love it.
but if the attraction is there, why not more?
life is about chances, about risk, about being willing to be hurt & to cause hurt.
to trust, both in ourselves & in someone else.
in our own as well as the other's ability to love, to share, to empathize.
to trust in a partner's ability to roll with the punches, to forgive, to accept our mistakes.
it's what love is all about.
but then, how many have actually experienced unconditional love outside of family? or even within family?
sometimes it feels like certain friendships run so deep that they will forever effect every other single relationship one might be in.
what to do when that feeling begins to grow?
especially when the friendship is new, growing more & more, and is vital and alive?
sometimes answers seem so clear to me. could lay out the entire thing logically.
but then, that is only my view.
of course, i have no intention of ever projecting that onto another, especially any sort of set expectations other than those which are agreed upon.
co creation.
nurturing the unfolding , the blossoming of each other's true natures.
that is what it is all about.
there is always flux & change, and part of the whole deal is accepting that as something that simply has to be.
there is no avoiding it.

All i know is that it feels like the entire past year has been preparing me for this.
i know i have all of the tools i need for it.
i can only hope.
but i know whatever path manifests, i've had one of the best friends ever enter my life & there's no way i'm ever throwin that away! :)

here is to the future!
i know.(and i think she really does too)
it would be worth every risk.
i do not have an ounce of doubt.

whether as friends or lovers i think we need to be together.
and the time is beginning to feel ripe.

Friday, May 12, 2006


so, as i seem to be getting things sorted and ready to give , sell, go, so many differing thoughts & feelings run thru me.
wondering when things will really start moving, when the funds will finally be manifested...
how my heart & mind will deal with leaving people behind.
new friends, old friends...hopes, dreams, wishful thoughts about things never fully explored.
I am not used to this moving thing.
been in chicago since '89 and in the same apartment since '98.

everything just seems extremely surreal right now.
makes me feel like any sort of expectations i have towards anything of substance or solid happening is dreamt.
this strange limbo space in between time & places.
yet here i am in the now.
i don't find myself worrying about if things will work out or anything like that.
i am content within the moment, within the present.
but i can't help but wonder about a few things...
and what they will reveal.

on another note, I just decided finally to start my own record label. it is web only for now.
it is interesting to me how being able to buy music & get it delivered online - the world of downloadable music - has changed the ecology of music distribution.
now, i ALWAYS think twice about buying a cd or record. why pay more & use more resources? all of the packaging, printing, transportation costs...
i mean, seriously...when one takes into account that it entails oil for the plastics, stripmined dyes for the printing, trees for the paper....
makes me think about how upset i get when i see people with their non ipod portable music players still using alkaline batteries when rechargeables are cheap plentiful.
this is the kinda shit that makes me understand why laws get written and end up enforced in draconian ways. because so many damn humans are simply too lazy & self involved to give a shit about how they impact the world at large.
same goes for photography. i can see artists still using traditional photography, but for those simply documenting their daily lives & tours abroad...go digital!
once again..strip mining...chemicals (lots!), paper...
when all of this can be simplified & streamlined. want printouts of those pics? well, you can choose the ones ya really want & print 'em. not need to do that for all of them.
i know that the artist in most people will probably cringe at what i am saying, but when it comes down to it, it is really a matter of choosing survivability and the kind of relationship one wants to have with the world at large (entire ecosystem - gaia)
but taht is for each person to choose,.
it would simply be nive for a change if people would voluntarily act responsibly about these kinda things so that we don't keep having more & more laws & regulations to make up for people's shortcomings.

oh...almost forgot...last night i'm watching ""In the Realms of the Unreal" and discover that Henry Darger spent time in my hometown at a children's "psych ward". weird.
he also walked from decatur to chicago when he was seventeen.
my hero! haha
what a strange & interesting man.

Friday, May 05, 2006


bare with me as i:

-transmute my frustration into creativity;

-say inflamatory things in order to light a fire under our proverbial asses;

-continually attempt to move into a more loving nature instead of festering in a cesspool of negative holographic imprints and mediated projections of reality;

-come to terms with the fact that 99.9% of the people i seem to come across are violently for peace and judge everything according to their personal perception as if they are gods & goddesses with the right to judge another person's worth;

recognize that if one thinks that they have a right to decide what happens on a level existence outside of their personal space, they need to admit what they are (i.e.: if you think you have a right to have a say what happens on a global level, you are a globalist - which means if you are anti-globalist you are actually a practicing globalist!)

-come to understand that most of the secularly minded have an immature understanding of what it truly means to be religious as well as what it really means to be objective in a quantum reality (can anyone say "no-mind" or enlightenment?)

realize that the majority of people pray & wish in a way which creates the hell they live in due to the fact that it reinforces the negative or what is absent rather than reinforcing possibility & abundance;

-that there has only ever really been one war, and that is the war between the priests & the mystics; those who wish to control and dictate experience, and those who wish to instill the freedom of each & everyone to experience life directly on their own terms.
and this does not pertain only to religions!
priests (kings , politicians, the scientific elite, corporate CEO's, anyone at the top of a pyramid - and the pyramid has to be other than a tetrahedron because a tetrahedron has no top) horde technologies both inner & outer while mystics share technologies so that others may find truth for themselves.

-accept the fact that the civilization that i was born into is at its adolescence and refusing to grow up and that i need to be more accepting of the fact that just about EVERYONE is blundering around trying to figure out what is what;

-realize that some people think that they can become or instill peace by reading about war and using the technologies of someone like sun tzu to bring peace (it's the medium - the reality metaphor, the language, the mode of thinking that is the cause! not the message!)

- that there is no such thing as "white magic" as all magic is based on intention and anything based on intention is based on desire,and that when it comes down to it, all desire is based on the self & reinforcing that self (ego), so basically at a psychological level all intention is black magic because it is the expression of a violent, dualistic, untrusting, controlling relationship with existence. it is saying that YOU know better than existence does!

-realize that everything i say is just another pile of intellectual rubbish on the trashheap & the only thing that really matters is what kind of relating, living and loving we express.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

enough already

so what the hell is my problem anyway?
oh yeah...the island calls...
being in this city has me feelin restless & agitated.
at least it's fueling my creative energies...
new song posted on my myspace page
link to the right ->