Friday, May 12, 2006

limbo

so, as i seem to be getting things sorted and ready to give , sell, go, so many differing thoughts & feelings run thru me.
wondering when things will really start moving, when the funds will finally be manifested...
how my heart & mind will deal with leaving people behind.
new friends, old friends...hopes, dreams, wishful thoughts about things never fully explored.
I am not used to this moving thing.
been in chicago since '89 and in the same apartment since '98.

everything just seems extremely surreal right now.
makes me feel like any sort of expectations i have towards anything of substance or solid happening is dreamt.
this strange limbo space in between time & places.
yet here i am in the now.
i don't find myself worrying about if things will work out or anything like that.
i am content within the moment, within the present.
but i can't help but wonder about a few things...
and what they will reveal.

on another note, I just decided finally to start my own record label. it is web only for now.
it is interesting to me how being able to buy music & get it delivered online - the world of downloadable music - has changed the ecology of music distribution.
now, i ALWAYS think twice about buying a cd or record. why pay more & use more resources? all of the packaging, printing, transportation costs...
i mean, seriously...when one takes into account that it entails oil for the plastics, stripmined dyes for the printing, trees for the paper....
makes me think about how upset i get when i see people with their non ipod portable music players still using alkaline batteries when rechargeables are cheap plentiful.
this is the kinda shit that makes me understand why laws get written and end up enforced in draconian ways. because so many damn humans are simply too lazy & self involved to give a shit about how they impact the world at large.
same goes for photography. i can see artists still using traditional photography, but for those simply documenting their daily lives & tours abroad...go digital!
once again..strip mining...chemicals (lots!), paper...
when all of this can be simplified & streamlined. want printouts of those pics? well, you can choose the ones ya really want & print 'em. not need to do that for all of them.
i know that the artist in most people will probably cringe at what i am saying, but when it comes down to it, it is really a matter of choosing survivability and the kind of relationship one wants to have with the world at large (entire ecosystem - gaia)
but taht is for each person to choose,.
it would simply be nive for a change if people would voluntarily act responsibly about these kinda things so that we don't keep having more & more laws & regulations to make up for people's shortcomings.

oh...almost forgot...last night i'm watching ""In the Realms of the Unreal" and discover that Henry Darger spent time in my hometown at a children's "psych ward". weird.
he also walked from decatur to chicago when he was seventeen.
my hero! haha
what a strange & interesting man.

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