Tuesday, May 16, 2006

what to do?

so i'm wondering...
what do ya do when you keep fallin deeper for someone who seems to have built a fortress?
i don't want to beat at the door! i want to knock lovingly.
i don't want to try to sneak in. i wish to be invited.
i want that door to be opened wide with a big smile open arms, & the security of knowing that it is a best friend, a loving being which wishes to enter.
and i most definitely do not want to move on without making the effort to open that door!
i would forever regret it.
the more i am able to experience the bits i do get to experience the more i want to know, the more i want to share,
the more i feel not only the desire to take the chance, but the need to.
it is something that i cannot overlook.
best friends is wonderful, i love it.
but if the attraction is there, why not more?
life is about chances, about risk, about being willing to be hurt & to cause hurt.
to trust, both in ourselves & in someone else.
in our own as well as the other's ability to love, to share, to empathize.
to trust in a partner's ability to roll with the punches, to forgive, to accept our mistakes.
it's what love is all about.
but then, how many have actually experienced unconditional love outside of family? or even within family?
sometimes it feels like certain friendships run so deep that they will forever effect every other single relationship one might be in.
what to do when that feeling begins to grow?
especially when the friendship is new, growing more & more, and is vital and alive?
sometimes answers seem so clear to me. could lay out the entire thing logically.
but then, that is only my view.
of course, i have no intention of ever projecting that onto another, especially any sort of set expectations other than those which are agreed upon.
co creation.
nurturing the unfolding , the blossoming of each other's true natures.
that is what it is all about.
there is always flux & change, and part of the whole deal is accepting that as something that simply has to be.
there is no avoiding it.

All i know is that it feels like the entire past year has been preparing me for this.
i know i have all of the tools i need for it.
i can only hope.
but i know whatever path manifests, i've had one of the best friends ever enter my life & there's no way i'm ever throwin that away! :)

here is to the future!
i know.(and i think she really does too)
it would be worth every risk.
i do not have an ounce of doubt.

whether as friends or lovers i think we need to be together.
and the time is beginning to feel ripe.

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