Sunday, July 30, 2006

new dj mix available

New mix.
Mixed in traktor dj studio 2.whatever
Heres the tracklist: (artist/song)

01. Simon Grey - The Galactica Suite (Domu mix)
02. Clyde & Capitol A - Serve It Up (Starship Remix)
03. Tantan - No Music For Hlynor (Dogdaze remix)
04. Jamie Lidell - When I Come Back Around (Freeform Reform)
05. Bugz In The Attic - Inna Row
06. Ian Simmonds - The Dragon feat. The Ekonda Women of Kinshasa
07. Bugz In The Attic - Doghouse (Interlude)
08. Moodymann - When She (Reprise)
09. Wise In Time - The Fox
10. Phuturistix - The Message
11. filtered by the spiral - Intense Connection (Slipp Chilll Broke Yer Spell mix)
12. filtered by the spiral - Its Only Natural
13. Bugz In The Attic - Im Gonna Letcha
14. Dego & Kaidi Taitham - Come With Me

right click here to download the file
time x 58:20 mp3'd @ 128kbps = 53.4MB of tastiness
mixed by slipp chilll (your's truly)

mis-takes of love


mistakes
all part of trust
of foolishness
of letting go.


the leap
off the cliff
more thrilling each time
more rewarding


whether or not
the visions
desires
come to fruition
the journey is worth it
especially as friendships
deepen


now
release
and let be
that which is
thankfully
knowing full well
that love flows


to free myself
from self imposed bondage
to love myself
wthout narcissistic need
to be natural
bold
without fear
trusting
my own abilty
to see
my own dis-ease
and transmute it
into creativity


detached from my creations
sensing no meaning
no fulfilment through them
how can this be?
as skill levels rise
as acceptance
compliments
become the norm


why in this moment
of things coming to fruition
do i choose to destroy
my own meaning?


oh, dear dead rajneesh,
what have the words
which have flowed
from your lips
done to me?


here i am
at the breaking point
will it be a breakdown?
or a breakthrough?
how do iplay in this leela
with joy?
when my stubborness
makes me not want to participate
in this illusion?


to lighten my heart
filled with joy
somehow
i find myself stuck
unable
even in the face
of constant divine gifts


selling my creativity
makes me feel
like a whore


would you love me just the same
if all i did was sit and love?
is it the quality of my being
which draws you?
or is it only my artifacts?
for they are not me.
or are they?


maybe that is why i care.


do i expect to much
from me, from you?
in a time
when global chaos
is alive
and flourishing
all i see is
the great escape
as the masses
try to ignore
and cope
with the madness
surrounding them


i want to see vision
inspiration
excitation
hypocrisy dissolving
warriors putting down their swords and pens
unless they are really going to sacrifice themselves
for that which they believe


the statement "NO WAR"
is an act of war
in itself
to hate bush
is to be bush
it solves nothing
and keeps you
from taking control
of reality
lets you maintain
the illusion
that your life
is actually righteous
when you are really
full of hate.


exhaustion
a week in an
isolation tank
sounds damn good to me
right about now.
to clear the junk
from my mind
so i, myself
can live as i am saying
without fear
without hate
without judgement
and without desire.


let the boldness of Krishna
unfold from my bones
and birth some joy
within my connection
to civilisation
otherwise
i do not know
if i can keep this up
without shedding it all.

for the first time

i worry about myself

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

decisions

chose a path.
finally
hope for participation.
the move.
will it happen?
it must.
it simply feels right.
all of it.
my heart sings.
gotta get it together.
and make this shit happen.
this love
so natural
so real
so healthy.
inspired and inspiring
and i want it now.
where's that teleporter dammit!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

reseeded

Somehow somewhere I managed to lose my way.
Self righteousness, importance and an overwhelming bullshit notion that I am some sort of atlas that holds up the world.
What the fuck?
let that world down gently though, no need to shrug.
glide it down that arm gently, rolling back to foundation.

some twisted view of myself haunting me,
not letting me rest,
persuading me to believe that I have this awesome potential to wake up the domesticated primate to the all that is.

So many before so many to follow.
Selflessness has not been my way.
(but oh, how i try!)
Instead, I have been wearing the mask of the egoless
all the while worshiping my own vision in a way
that is ultimately the seed of my own destruction.

How to digest,
ingest,
transform,
transmute,
and rebroadcast that ultimate signal of the divine
which is in truth the song of creation that is all ways all time?

How dare I be invested in some utterly absurd notion that it is MINE?

Me, who cannot even manage to grab the reigns of my own creativity.
Who hides in his cave,
only to come out half cocked, ready for a fight…
to destroy.

All in the name of creation.
Birthed of kali yuga?

One more illusion on top of the rest.
They build into my own personal tower of babel.
Imprisoning me in this self made mess.

Christ, Antichrist, politicians, civilization,
evolution, enlightenment, magik, theology,
and all of the isms and the refutation of those very same isms….

Creating filters through which the truth is veiled.
The only one I am kidding is myself.

Chasing paper tigers….
Expecting, hoping for love to be expressed in ways and from people who I most adore and cherish,
but who do not see the same reality as I do
(do any of us? I think not)
constantly inquiring of myself why it is I cannot let go of these dreams,
these wishes and desires which overpower me.

I do not negate or deny this love.
I know how deep it runs, how the fountain flows eternal.
I know.
Nothing.
Everything.
All within the simple act of being.

To share all that I am with those I love most.
Multiply. Time and again.
More every day. All deserving.
How can I deny this?

How can I deny my love for thee?

Too much time spent protecting.
Both myself from the world and the world from me.
Sounds like death to me…
What have I become?
to where have I journeyed?

The straight path has no place here.
I weave to and fro.
Everything from the deepest suffering to the most ecstatic joy.
All in your eyes.
The mirror.

How long til all of us begin to really,
and I mean REALLY
understand that the objective is the biggest illusion of them all?

We love our fountain of progress in our blindness
to the fact that it is ourselves which we are taking the most advantage of.

Co-opting every bit of joy and converting it into coping mechanisms.
Nothing more than a way to ease the suffering
birthed from the detached life of the worship of separation.

Even the cetaceans are more capable of joy than we are.
Different modes of intelligence,
all nothing more than the natural aesthetic expression of infinity.
There are no hierarchies.
And I boldly claim that those who wish to impose them
belong on the bottom rung of the ladder.
(and yes, the dichotomy, the hippocracy is duly noted)

Externalization as a coping mechanism for an imbalanced relationship to existence.
Why do we worship our artifacts?
Can we not witness that they are dead?
The living cannot be cataloged, cannot be contained in museums.
It is only in the NOW.
It is process. It is a verb.
All nouns are dead things.
The noun is born of the static state,
of the need to capture a moment
for fear of it not being repeated.

And the truth in my experience
is that nothing is ever truly repeated.
Infinity has no need for copies.
It is boundlessly creative.

Yet here I am, repeating words, ideas,
philosophies and so much trite bullshit.
All of my enslavement developed in order to set me free.
The thorn to remove the thorn.
Once removed…toss both away!

Be joy
Peace
Love
Empathy
One
Loving
Golden notion
all is as it should be.

the transmutation is always in process
as the spiral twirls like a whirling dervish
through our own creative canvas of abstract time.

We must own up to our creations.
Our destructions.
Our overzealous interactions in our misguided battles for our own slavery.

Were you born to work?
to be another mechanizm in some great machinizations?
or were you born to celebrate existence?
to dance the dance of open creation?

Why can I not seem to drop the need to still think in terms of either/or?

all is and all was and all will ever be

Simultaneously

The fractured fractal.
Teasing, taunting.
Playing the eternal trickster
in order to help us awaken from our dream.

The only person I’m ever really kidding is myself.
And damn if I’m not quite the kidder!

Reclaiming the song of creation.
Letting it flow through me,
simply stepping out of the way.

Drop the fears,
the judgement,
the need to be right and to know the truth.

All truth is and it does not need me to say it is so.
Its potential exists of its own accord.
We are nothing more than collapsors of potentialities.
every one of us a cosmic mother.
or maybe just its mid-wife.

Owning our co-creative role is the only way to make peace with it all.
Civilization…I’m not buying it.
subscription is not a creative option.
Let the lesson be learned,
and let us get on with that which comes next
in our abstracted sequence of linear time.

Let this ax drop from my hands.
Let this water flow from my eyes.
Let this sigh speak loudly of release.
Let these arms hold you tight.

Know I am here
Always
In all things
Even in this goofy ass fleshy being
slapping down it’s minor appendages
onto the keys of this externalization of the human mind..

Relax
Unwind
Be

Beauty embodied.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

megasardinecanonwheels

megabus...inexpensive, and filled with as many seats as they can cram in there!
minnesota....Michelle....Ben Mono....
Morning maté....the new Bugz in the Attic album in the earbuds...
makin me bounce on the couch.
strange dreams...clean air...free neighbor's open wi-fi.
oh yeah..
life is so much better when ya include the adventcha!

got the tightest version of my cd together yet....gotta polish off those songs with some final accompaniments and dare i say it.... vocals?

it's comin..... so get ready.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

wandering to center

triangulation

three different directions
or are there more?
i'm sure there are
frikkin weird times
wondering how things will flow
reminding myself to ride the wave

awareness

wonderful friends.
be content.
the flowers shower
sometimes unnoticed.
but then i remember

silence.

random encounters
apostles
pharisees
fellow seekers
zombies
those slowly rubbing their eyes as they awaken from their slumber.
once again i remind myself

neti neti

drop my impositions
witness
love
relax
breathe
let the flame rise

a jewel in Indra's net

overflowing
none excluded
transmutation
compassion
empathy
understanding
cocreation
the great unfolding

all that is

i can see it in that glimmer in your eye
no matter who you are.
i know you may not be used to it
but it's only natural
nothing taken away but illusion

it's time for the dreamer to awaken.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

decisions solidify

Complicated meanings and choices abound in this lifetime.
So many choices, decisions to be made.
Lately, I’ve felt quite a transformation happening.
Many things are starting to drop, to fade in importance, or to transmute into what seems to be their proper forms.
Mindgames dissolve, new ideas flourish…storytelling…futuremythmaking…
New paths opening up.
Older desires and feelings becoming ripe.
I’ve made a choice, the biggest one in quite some time.
Now there is just that ever present lowly fear of rejection, no matter how inappropriate the feeling.
All I know is that the more I reflect on my experiences, shared moments, thoughts, and feelings that cannot be denied, the clearer it all becomes.
From her I have only experienced respect, love, support, empathy, inspiration, and a feeling of an inescapable meeting of paths.
Both of us hard on ourselves…challenging, wanting to heal both ourselves & those around us.
Both of us open to the strange, the fringe, the new edge understanding of the subtleness of how we expose ourselves to ourselves.
I want to know where this is heading, and if this path is leading where it feels that it is.
If we can just make it through the awkward anxiety of transformation…if she is truly willing & desirous of it as much as I am.
This will lead me in a different direction than I was expecting, one that feels much richer ,more fulfilling, very fertile.
This has been one heck of an interesting year!

On another note…
I am supposed to be currently showing my artwork at Beans & Bagels (1812 W. Montrose, Chicago) but the artist from last month has STILL not taken down their work!
I am starting to get a bit upset about this!

Work is boring too. I am so over my workplace.
Seems as if all of the staff has no respect for anyone anymore (as if they ever did).
I need something new!

I am going to start writing a novel.
Gonna be good stuff!
Not gonna give away ideas on here though!
Haha

It feels good to be making some serious decisions.
I just hope I am not mistaken in believing that what feels most natural is going to manifest.
I really want it to.
And you better believe I am going to make the effort!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

The Great Escape, or Ultimate Entrapment?


a collage i created on july 2, 2006 from old Discover magazines and a few digital images of my own creation.