Wednesday, July 05, 2006

decisions solidify

Complicated meanings and choices abound in this lifetime.
So many choices, decisions to be made.
Lately, I’ve felt quite a transformation happening.
Many things are starting to drop, to fade in importance, or to transmute into what seems to be their proper forms.
Mindgames dissolve, new ideas flourish…storytelling…futuremythmaking…
New paths opening up.
Older desires and feelings becoming ripe.
I’ve made a choice, the biggest one in quite some time.
Now there is just that ever present lowly fear of rejection, no matter how inappropriate the feeling.
All I know is that the more I reflect on my experiences, shared moments, thoughts, and feelings that cannot be denied, the clearer it all becomes.
From her I have only experienced respect, love, support, empathy, inspiration, and a feeling of an inescapable meeting of paths.
Both of us hard on ourselves…challenging, wanting to heal both ourselves & those around us.
Both of us open to the strange, the fringe, the new edge understanding of the subtleness of how we expose ourselves to ourselves.
I want to know where this is heading, and if this path is leading where it feels that it is.
If we can just make it through the awkward anxiety of transformation…if she is truly willing & desirous of it as much as I am.
This will lead me in a different direction than I was expecting, one that feels much richer ,more fulfilling, very fertile.
This has been one heck of an interesting year!

On another note…
I am supposed to be currently showing my artwork at Beans & Bagels (1812 W. Montrose, Chicago) but the artist from last month has STILL not taken down their work!
I am starting to get a bit upset about this!

Work is boring too. I am so over my workplace.
Seems as if all of the staff has no respect for anyone anymore (as if they ever did).
I need something new!

I am going to start writing a novel.
Gonna be good stuff!
Not gonna give away ideas on here though!

It feels good to be making some serious decisions.
I just hope I am not mistaken in believing that what feels most natural is going to manifest.
I really want it to.
And you better believe I am going to make the effort!

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