Sunday, July 30, 2006

mis-takes of love


mistakes
all part of trust
of foolishness
of letting go.


the leap
off the cliff
more thrilling each time
more rewarding


whether or not
the visions
desires
come to fruition
the journey is worth it
especially as friendships
deepen


now
release
and let be
that which is
thankfully
knowing full well
that love flows


to free myself
from self imposed bondage
to love myself
wthout narcissistic need
to be natural
bold
without fear
trusting
my own abilty
to see
my own dis-ease
and transmute it
into creativity


detached from my creations
sensing no meaning
no fulfilment through them
how can this be?
as skill levels rise
as acceptance
compliments
become the norm


why in this moment
of things coming to fruition
do i choose to destroy
my own meaning?


oh, dear dead rajneesh,
what have the words
which have flowed
from your lips
done to me?


here i am
at the breaking point
will it be a breakdown?
or a breakthrough?
how do iplay in this leela
with joy?
when my stubborness
makes me not want to participate
in this illusion?


to lighten my heart
filled with joy
somehow
i find myself stuck
unable
even in the face
of constant divine gifts


selling my creativity
makes me feel
like a whore


would you love me just the same
if all i did was sit and love?
is it the quality of my being
which draws you?
or is it only my artifacts?
for they are not me.
or are they?


maybe that is why i care.


do i expect to much
from me, from you?
in a time
when global chaos
is alive
and flourishing
all i see is
the great escape
as the masses
try to ignore
and cope
with the madness
surrounding them


i want to see vision
inspiration
excitation
hypocrisy dissolving
warriors putting down their swords and pens
unless they are really going to sacrifice themselves
for that which they believe


the statement "NO WAR"
is an act of war
in itself
to hate bush
is to be bush
it solves nothing
and keeps you
from taking control
of reality
lets you maintain
the illusion
that your life
is actually righteous
when you are really
full of hate.


exhaustion
a week in an
isolation tank
sounds damn good to me
right about now.
to clear the junk
from my mind
so i, myself
can live as i am saying
without fear
without hate
without judgement
and without desire.


let the boldness of Krishna
unfold from my bones
and birth some joy
within my connection
to civilisation
otherwise
i do not know
if i can keep this up
without shedding it all.

for the first time

i worry about myself

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