Wednesday, April 23, 2008

one month along

so, it's almost hard to believe that i have now been in Boulder Utah for a month!
I've gotta tell ya, at times i get a little cabin fever...there's not really any social life here, at least not that i have found yet.
It's been a time of change and clearing the slate in many ways.

Plans for fall changed... Portland? probably not.
I'm thinking it would probably be for the best anyway, as I have the high desert in my blood and even with the lack of spoiled urban availability of things and experiences, I am thinking that i prefer the ability to drive a few miles and walk out into the middle of wilderness.

So many people, many of my best friends included, get caught up in the need to make a name for themselves or be producing in some sense - whether it be art, personality, monetary or career success....
to tell the truth, I am simply not interested.
maybe I should explain in a little more depth.

I thoroughly enjoy creating, whether it be art, music, thought patterns, ideas, lifestyle, etc.
yet i find myself not interested in accolades.
I don't create in order to obtain acceptance or to make a mark.
I invest in the sheer joy and experience of the act of creation.
it does not matter what other people think or feel about it.
It is an are of personal exploration and growth.
This, to me, is true freedom.

Do not get me wrong, it is not that i do not pay heed to how my creative aspects affect others, I attempt to be as much in tune with that as possible. i consider it to be a kind of feedback loop.
maybe i am actually a bit scientific about it - which would surprise many.
i consider it all a part of evolution of the personal sort.
psychological, spiritual, and heck, maybe physical too, who knows?

I've had a lot rolling thru my head over the last week, and i hope to get to writing it out soon.
more ideas to integrate into my book, more connections with the development of our current society and world views, more insight into why people behave the way they do (including myself of course!)
I don't want to make this a long meandering post, so i will save most of that stuff for later.

lack of noise, media contamination, and abstracted politics has helped me have a head that is much more clear and centered.
having to make efforts to buy food, especially good produce, for which i have to drive 90 miles, as well as other items that urban dwellers take for granted really grounds a person.

I'm living in one of the final frontiers of America.
the Escalante River and Henry Mountains were tha last river and mountain range to be cartographed on this continent by euro settlers.
plus, only a quarter mile north of me is a 35 room Anasazi site.
wilderness - nature - elemental existence right outside my door.
heck, i could go out 10 miles and be lost in the wild here.
yet, here i am with DSL and Google Earth...
I've got the best of both worlds without being spoiled.
so, even though there is not a real social scene, local grocery store, or even an ATM or bank in Boulder, I am feeling like one of the luckiest humans alive.

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