Sunday, August 03, 2008

trials of summer '08 (deathrider RIP)

This summer has been quite challenging.
So far though, I have managed to keep my head up and not fall into depression, well, maybe a slight one off and on, but nothing a good hike won’t burn out of my system.

It seems that the world of possessions and finances wants to challenge me as much as it can.
Working in a small town in the middle of no-where in southern utah makes for low wages and not many hours. Doing housekeeping at a lodge is alright, but not very rewarding…
Going into that from 6 months of volunteering at a national park does not help monetarily either.
The troubles started a few months ago when Sierra Trading Post accidentally doubled one of my orders and sent me into a negative balance spin.
Add to it that I have to drive 30 miles to get groceries…
Then about a month ago I lost my cell phone and had to buy a new one.
I’d never lost or damaged a phone before, so I did not have insurance.
Once again a small (les than $4) overdraft sent me into a tailspin that cost me a few hundred.
Then on July 31st, my car decided that the timing belt needed to break, which trashed the engine – DEAD.
Luckily it happened close enough to my Moab on a trip over here and I have AAA.
So i managed to at least get into town and a friend of mine is willing to drive me back to Boulder.
Now comes the challenge of having almost no money, no car , and being in nowheresville and having to hitch rides to get groceries. Luckily I am able to stock up here and will not have to go shopping for food for awhile.

All of this has made it impossible to save up any money for a future move, back to moab for winter or elsewhere, and I am having a difficult time deciding exactly what to do with myself for winter.
At the same time, it is definitely throwing me back into what it is I really NEED to be doing – writing, making art, music, etc.
Not having a vehicle for awhile will definitely keep me from being able to go out hiking., so I will need to use that time for other things. It won’t be a matter of choice, but necessity.

I think one of the most difficult things about this car situation is that it happened on the way over to visit my wonderful friend Blair while she is stopping thru on her way to her move to Portland. I have not been able to see her yet and since her car is completely full of her belongings, she is not able to give me a ride into town or to a trailhead or what have you for the plans that we had made.
So, everything, the most simple things, are becoming challenges.
Yet I am not panicked or tense – at least not enough to make me feel ill. Ha
I trudge on thru the challenges.
What else is there to do?
At times I have felt like sobbing over the past few days, but I haven’t.
I’ve held it together.
Not that a good cry would not release some pressure, mind you.
I just hope that my friend pulls through and takes me back home and does not flake out on me. I doubt he will, but one never knows…
So today is another day of waiting to see what happens, living in the moment, and trusting in life.
Somehow it will all work out.
It’s got to, right?