Saturday, February 21, 2009


so, recently i have been amazed in ways both good and bad.
there is no way to control other people's mouths. information flows freely, whether positively reinforcing or not.
the perceptions of others tend to stray from reality a bit too - or at least don't seem to match. there are misunderstandings, which then get spoken as truths to other ears.

I've been doing some work...of a sufic nature, and have found that it is misconstrued. I completely understand why and am not surprised in the least.
truthfully, i probably should not be writing about it here, and definitely should not give details as i know these words will most likely be read by the other party at some point.

Something quite common in sufi activity is the inability to understand or the misperception of those who are outside of the realm of the conscious activity that is taking place. It may appear that one thing is being done when the activity and goal of the sufi-minded is completely different. At times, this can even be construed as doing something wrong when in fact the work and goal are based in love and compassion. There is simply not always a straight line.
This is exactly what is occurring in my own life. i cannot express anything further than that about this particular activity which am involved in.

What i can write about is how the events of the past month have been acting like a mirror and revealing much.
i've been brought head to head with all of my issues and answers have been coming from random people and events.
It brings an increased level of awareness and is revealing how much inner work i have been doing and the level of integration that has actually occurred.
I'd been a bit half asleep about it over the last year during my transition to life in Utah, but once more, things are becoming increasingly clear.
I actually have a new person in my life i can thank for this. Somehow, I'm feeling a freedom of self now that i had yet to feel here.

Over the last two weeks, massive shifts have happened in my life. Inner shifts & a new, very deep and natural connection.
For many, this can be confusing as they are not used to experiencing these types of shifts in themselves or others. Then there are those that completely understand it as well. These are where the surprises happen and others reveal their inner natures and levels of awareness and maturity.

I've also been discovering the difference between those that intellectually believe and try to practice loving-kindness,and those that simply live it.
My tendency to be open when it comes to love, to freely express, if even only through my eyes (and i mean the eyes literally), to be raw, can be too much for some. It is visceral. It is real, and it can be intense, and some do not know how to accept that because it is thought that it is something being worked towards, or something always gentle, when in fact, there can be a great ecstatic passion held within it. There is also the tendency for many to believe that there is always a desired outcome or a 'return' expected from these activities. When that is not the case, it can very easily lead to confusion and misperception. This is one of the huge differences between the tenets of Buddhism and Sufism (from what i have digested over the years)
Suffering, Passion, and all of the more visceral emotions should not be viewed as something to be avoided.It is not about removal of oneself from the world, but to be in it, yet not of it - meaning to not be mired in those emotions and passions, but to let them flow freely and deepen spiritual and life experience. They are things to be experienced freely, without friction and resistance. The key seems to be to bring awareness to these things. As soon as we parcel up things we get into trouble and tension arises.

This is where the more tantric and alchemical concepts come into play. How we interact with anything that comes into our lives is our lesson. Transmutation is key- turning lead into gold, base into the refined. There is nothing in existence which does not serve the Divine. All things are possible roads to a closer and more intimate relationship with the Divine. There is an extreme subtlety to this, one which cannot be well understood by those whose foundations are built on an overly separated black/white, good/evil belief system. The problem is, that when one is steeped in morals and rules which are etched in stone, that are followed without a deepening understanding of the concepts they represent, there is not a possibility for a deeper maturity to arise. What one tends to do in that situation is basically to say they do not trust God, because they do not trust themselves - who are an aspect of God.

If one cannot face that which they fear or think may test their faith, then how can that being even begin to say that their faith has any strength whatsoever? It is a false faith, a childish one in which the pre-adolescent need for parental protection is continued into adulthood and simply projected onto an abstracted concept. It is stopping on the stairs of the temple rather than entering the inner sanctum, so to speak.
This, I would contend, is not a mature or evolving and intimate relationship with the Divine/God. It is instead a refusal to take personal responsibility for one's spiritual evolution and growth. It tends towards victim mentality. It is the life of a beggar, not a humble, wise one, but a weak one. one who has not even tried.

There must be that great trust. One must at some point come to terms with the idea that God/Life/the Divine provides. We mistakenly sometimes perceive this to not be true simply because it does not provide what we desire. Instead it provides what is needed. It is simply a matter of surrender and being able to perceive and bring awareness to the gifts one is given.

So, there i go spouting off again...saying what is on my mind and in my heart.
take it as you will.
Each person, each soul, has their own path that they must follow, and this is just one small portion of mine.
I wish you all love, peace and awareness on your own journeys.
May all be revealed.

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